TERROR TV – TALES FROM THE CRYPT – Forever Ambergris

Foreever AmbergrisTales from the Crypt had a variety of different horror sub-genres throughout the show, there were plenty of rotting ghoul n zombie episodes, plenty of gory murder and double crossing episodes, a few supernatural and monster filled episodes. But a season 5 episode titled ” Forever Ambergris” was the shows only “Body-horror” episode with truly gruesome body horror scenes.

“Forever Ambergris” is about a jaded and once great war time photographer named Dalton (played by the Who’s Roger Daltrey) who is losing his touch and has to take a new apprentice Ike (played by Steve Buscemi) who has been showing real talent and promise with his war time pictures. It isnt long before they are in South America and hearing of a village that has been destroyed by germ warfare. Dalton tricks Ike into going to the village alone to get the pictures knowing that Ike will die from the disease. It isnt long before Ike begings to decompose and melt alive from the disease while Dalton watches and takes his pictures for himself. All goes well for him when he heads home and then seduces Ike’s grief stricken girlfriend Bobbi ( played by Blonde Bombshell Lysette Anthony) and in true Tales from the Crypt fashion Bobbi has a gruesome surprise waiting for Dalton.

Now before i get into the gruesome stuff one of the great aspects of this episode is the acting from the two leads Roger Daltrey and Steve Buscemi. Buscemi is believable and always entertaining and Daltrey actually does a good job as the scheming back stabbing antagonist.

But the real shine of this episode is the gruesome body horror scenes. we see pulsating bubbling skin, veins bursting out, plenty of blood, a eyeball oozing itself out of its socket that would make Lucio Fulci proud, skin and fleshing rotting away and a characters nose falling off into a bathroom sink! the body-horror scenes are truly fun and revolting.

So Crypt fans who want a revolting episode with good acting should look no further then the season 5 episode “Forever Ambergris

  • James J. Coker

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

IMG_20160214_100206_9890Hey there dear horrorfiends! James J. Coker here wishing you all a happy Valentines day. If you have that special someone in your life then why not sit down and enjoy some Valentines Day slasher movies together like the My Bloody Valentines movies.

Now I tried to watch another Valentines day slasher movie that came out during the last year of the SCREAM boom to review for this blog on this holiday but i just couldnt like it. alot of Horror fans watch this slasher film on V-day and say they like it but i just couldnt. I am referring to the 2001 slasher film VALENTINE.

Valentine

I tried to put this one in a “Underrated Horror for Valentines Day” title but as i was watching it last night I just couldnt really defend the film. I found it to be a paint by the numbers Scream clone with unlikable characters and goreless death scenes. But thats just me horrorfiends!

 

anyways I hope you all have a Good Valentines day and if your single…fuck it still watch the my bloody valentine movies, There alot of fun.

Harry Warden

A “CRYPTEE” gift for Christmas Eve – Twas the Fright before Christmas

MI0001878669Yes dear horrorfiends I know posting this it is not Christmas Eve just yet but hey Christmas eve is going to be very busy for me so im getting this done now. Instead of a usual Christmas horror movie for Christmas Eve i decided to show you all a little Tales from the Crypt nugget from the 90s for Christmas Eve.

Back in 1994 John Kassir voiced the Cryptkeeper for a Tales from the Crypt CHRISTMAS ALBUM!!! yes a Cryptkeeper Christmas album. And since it is the Cryptkeeper you can expect gory and ghoulish “pun” versions of christmas classic like ” we’d wish you’d bury the missus” or “Deck the halls with parts of Charlie” he he he he he

But the best part of the whole album is a Cryptkeeper style rendition of the classic twas the night before Christmas poem but instead this time it is “Twas the FRIGHT before Christmas” in which the Cryptkeeper lays out booby traps for Santa but learns some heartfelt christmas spirit in the process. It is a fun and ghoulish little listen for your christmas eve dear horror fiends and a gift i wanted to share with you all. Give it a little down below

P.S. the Tales from the Crypt Christmas album is LONG OUT OF PRINT and goes quite pricey online.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN HORROFIENDS! TV TERROR FOR HALLOWEEN – THE CRYPT JAM !

Cryptkeeper loves BootyThe day is finally here horror fiends! ITS HALLOWEEN !!!! the greatest of all holidays..well at least for horror fans. So for this Halloween post instead of a obscure Halloween movie to share with you all I will instead treat you to a very special, and pretty obscure little nugget of Tales from the Crypt goodness for you. A nugget so awesome and incredibly cheesy it will make a good Halloween treat…that is the rare Tales from the Crypt music video THE CRYPT JAM!

Back in the early 90s on Halloween, I believe it was Halloween 1992 or Halloween 1993, HBO would air a Tales from the Crypt marathon for Halloween night and my father would record them on VHS tape. Well during the marathon between a number of the episodes they were airing it would show a Tales from the Crypt music video called “the Crypt Jam” this music video was very much in the style of the “house Party” or cheesy party hip hop of the early 90s…but with the CryptKeeper !

Believe me horror fiends! i loved seeing this amazing piece of 90s horror goodness as a kid and to this day I still love it. We are treated to a silhouette of the cryptkeeper, back up dancers, zombie dancers, party goers dancing in the Cryptkeepers crypt on a dance floor with the Cryptkeeper (the guy has alot of surprises in his crypt) The Cryptkeeper in a variety of early 90s hip hop outfits, severed foots and skulls dancing, a variety of clips from all the monstrous scenes from the episodes between season 1 to season 4 and finally my personal favorite scene from this gold nugget… The Cryptkeeper singing and checking out on of the back up dancers ass in close up…. so now you know the Cryptkeeper is an ass man.

So happy Halloween my dear horror fiends, may your night be filled with costume dreams, candy delights and pumpkin spirits and enjoy this little golden cheese nugget from the Cryptkeeper for your Halloween – James J. Coker

P.S. i took the liberty of uploading the original early 90s version of the crypt Jam and NOT the edited season 3 dvd release that only shows clips from the third season, enjoy down below.

 

TERROR TV – TALES FROM THE CRYPT – Split Personality

Split PersonalitySince were so close to Valentines Day horrorfiends I decided to share with you all a particular favorite episode of the Crypt that indeed involves love..the Love between a man and a woman…well in this case the love between a con-artist and twins. A love that is then split…with a CHAINSAW! this little season 4 tale of the Crypt is called “Split Personality”.

A swindler named Jack (Joe Pesci) who loves money and Twins meets two rich twins who take an interest in him. Jack romances both of them but then tricks them into thinking he has a twin brother himself who is constantly gone away on business trips, he then uses that lie to marry both of them and get there money but little does he know that these rich twins arent as innocent as he thinks they are and they find out his little secret too.

Now “Split Personality” is one hell of an enjoyable episode of the Crypt. Joe Pesci is as always wonderful to watch as the swindler Jack and even a little hammy at times especially when he is actually seen singing to the awesomely bad 90s song “im so Sexy”. The Twins do a terrific job playing innocent naive shut ins only to have a very dark side at the very end. The whole episode is peppered with great crooner music from Dean Martin, Perry Como and Marvin Gaye throughout that just adds to the con-artist in love atmosphere. And finally the ending of this episode is the shinning star of the whole thing, the ending turns from a con-artist story into a full blown 80’s style horror story with 80s style green and pink lighting, our Poor Jack tied to a bed and our twins wearing sexy white lingerie and using a high powered Chainsaw to end up “sharing” our main character in a gruesome way the twins really prefer. And believe me the spot were they start to use that chainsaw on our poor Jack is enough to make any male viewer cringe in agony.

So if your looking to venture into the 4th season of the Crypt and want a fun episode with enjoyable characters, good music and a “Killer” cringe inducing ending then dont hesitate to watch “Split Personality”. – James J. Coker

 

TERROR TV FOR HALLOWEEN – TALES FROM THE CRYPT – Strung Along

38 Strung Along.avi_001253015C’mon my fellow horrorfiends. Throughout all the horrors we have been reviewing for this blog for the Halloween season some of you felt that a “Killer Doll” horror was inevidable. And this Halloween season instead of Chucky or those pesky puppets from Puppet, lets look into the Crypt to see that one Killer doll episode from Tales from the Crypt. A really well done episode about an aging puppeteer, his young cheating wife, his new young student and how his clown Marionette “CoCo” talks to him. An episode that scared me very much as a child and now as an Adult its one of my favorite episodes of the whole damn Season…the season 4 episode of the crypt “STRUNG ALONG”

An aging puppeteer Joseph who longs for his glory days suspects that his younger wife has a lover all the while he is training a new young protege and his own clown marionette “CoCo” talks to him in his mind.

Now this episode does not start off with a bang like some crypt episodes go but instead starts off with an old 50’s puppet show about coco the clown, it is then revealed to be on tape being watched by our old puppeteer Joseph with a look of sadness and longing on his Face for Joseph earns to back in his glory days. Right from the very start we know that this episode isnt going to be killer doll action for the whole episode. “Strung Along” takes most of its time developing its three characters especially Joseph as he is seen sometimes “Talking” to Coco the Clown puppet and in his mind Coco talks back. Now granted the coco the clown puppet is both cute yet insanely creepy in a very subtle way. The way a clown doll should and when i was little the sight of that doll scared me to bits.

Now though the episodes its more of a tense and somewhat creepy character drama, it isnt until the ending in which Joseph believes Coco the clown is actually murdering his young cheating wife that things go the horrific route. The scene where Joseph discovers what Coco the clown is doing is pretty nightmare inducing in a very “Crypt” style way that can make horror fans give an evil grin from ear to ear. But in that typical but amazing “Crypt” way all that is a twist into itself and and our Poor Joseph has been played a fool….only to have yet another horrifying twist happen again! and the second twist is more satisfying in a revenge and creepy yet bloody way. lets just say they treated Joseph like a puppet so Joseph ends up treating them like puppets in the end. Its a double twist whammy with one right after another. One horrific and another satisfying and creepy.

All in all “Strung Along” is an incredibly well made episode that boasts good talent both in front and in back of the camera. Good character developing drama, a slow yet creepy and tense between between Joseph and Coco. Two rather good twists right on top of each other and finally a Killer clown marionette that can be seen as the stuff of nightmares. It certainly did for me when I was little. So give this little “Puppet” episode of the Crypt a go this Halloween season. Youll be satisfied. – James J. Coker