and this time I review and spew ALOT of love for Richard Stanley’s Post-apocalyptic Killer Robot movie… HARDWARE !


12 SLAYS OF CHRISTMAS – 5TH SLAY – UNDERRATED GEMS – Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker

silent-night-deadly-night-5-the-toy-maker-movie-poster-1992-1020210867If you’re a horror fan then you’re probably wondering “why on earth are they reviewing ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night 5’ and not the much loved first film instead?” There are two reasons: First, it seems almost every other horror website spews their love for the first film every christmas so we want to be a little different. Second, Sterling “The Spork Guy” Anno and myself have some “not nice” thoughts about the first film. To say we “just don’t like” the first film would be an understatement. However that’s a conversation we can save for a different time. Right now I shall tell you all about the last sequel in the “Silent Night, Deadly Night’ franchise, a sequel in name only really, the Underrated “Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker.”

An old toy maker played by Mickey Rooney, yes that Mickey Rooney, and his “son” make killer toys designed to kill their owners, kids.

For horror fans to enjoy this entry in the franchise its has to be viewed as a stand alone christmas horror film and not a part of the franchise. Think of it as you would “Halloween III: Season of the Witch.” Come to think of it the film shares a lot of similarities with “Halloween III,” both are about evil “makers” making products designed to kill children on a specific holiday, both are scorned by fans for being “the different one” in the franchise and both films have moments that make you go “What the Fuck.” Believe me, just as with “Halloween III,”  the more you get into “Silent Night Deadly Night 5” the more you’ll be saying that phrase, especially when the evil toymakers “son” tries dry humping the main character. That’s all I will say to not spoil anything else. Also the film is quite enjoyable if you can just lower your standards.

If you want a very odd Christmas horror film this yuletide season then I say go with the fifth entry  in the “Silent Night, Deadly Night” franchise and discover all the Joys of The Toymaker, it’s quite “memorable”

-James J. Coker

TERROR TV – Tales from the Darkside – Hush

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This seldom talked about “Tales from the Darkside” episode is one of the most suspenseful of the whole series! Hush has a simple plot: It’s a normal night for a single working mom and her boy genius of a son. The mother goes out for a meeting and leaves your typical teenage girl to babysit the boy. While babysitting the boy shows her all of his inventions including his most prized one, his “Noise-Eater,” a vacuum like machine that sucks the noise out of things. Eventually something grim happens with the Noise-Eater. The babysitter sees it suck not only the noise from a bird but also its life. From then on the rest of the episode turns into a edge of your seat suspense ride and a eerie tune plays throughout. What makes Hush one of the best episodes of the series is that even though it doesn’t have monsters or blood or even heavy atmosphere it more than makes up for all of those things in having genuine suspense for such a simple plot.

-James J. Coker